Frequently Asked Questions

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I never heard of a “doula” before. What does that mean?

 

While Birth Doulas have been around since the 1990’s, End-of-Life Doulas are relatively new, and it is an emerging field that is still being defined. The word “doula” means “trusted servant”. The origins of the word are Greek, and come from a time and culture when a family’s most trusted servant, usually a woman, would attend to family members in great distress, but particularly when giving birth or dying.

 

 

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Do you take insurance or medicare?

 

No. Unfortunately, I do not. This is an emerging field that is still negotiating its role within the larger medical community, and as such, we are not presently recognized by insurers. There is hope that over the next few years, we will be able to establish the necessary steps for a licensure process, which would allow individual doulas to accept insurance in a similar fashion to mental health professionals. 

 

At present, however, while many organizations offer certification as an End-of-Life Doula, licensure is not yet available. 

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Why would anyone need a doula, anyway? What do they do?

 

Doulas shape their practices based on their own personal strengths, interests, and capabilities, but the one thing they all have in common is that their contributions are always non-medical, and their focus is on improving the quality of life for the dying person and their family.

 

Our culture is woefully uninformed about death, the dying process, and what kinds of decisions need to be made when a loved one is at the end of their lives. As a society, we’re not very good at being supportive of people who are dying, or of their family members as they make extremely difficult decisions on behalf of their loved ones. Families often find themselves taken completely off guard by a diagnosis or a loved one’s sudden or unexpected decline without the resources or information they need to make compassionate, timely decisions on their behalf.

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Families can become quickly and startlingly overwhelmed when a loved one’s physical needs exceed what they are personally able to provide, or what can be reasonably provided through their current caregiving situation. When that happens, a doula can help the family identify what is needed, assist them in making a plan, connect them with further resources, and help coordinate caregivers and services on behalf of the family and dying person. In any end-of-life circumstance, a family can expect to be met with pragmatism and empathy by their doula, whose job is to support – not judge—their situation.

 

An End-of-Life Doula is well informed about the dying process itself and the decisions involved and has resources for gathering further information or assistance in areas that they are less informed about. They are patient and emotionally supportive when tempers are short, and people aren’t themselves because they are afraid, shocked or grieving. Doulas help identify what is needed on a dying person’s behalf and can provide additional support and guidance that may be lacking in hospital or other medical care situations. 

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What if you don’t have enough time to plan a Vigil?

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Since dying is not viewed as an emergency in the hospice model, and dying is a different process for every person, it’s often the case that a family doesn’t realize just how close their loved one’s final moments really are. It’s possible to create a very meaningful vigil for a dying person even with only one or two people present, and even at the last minute. All it takes is a willingness to be truly present with the dying person. Offer songs, play their favorite music, read to them from a religious text or their favorite poem, or simply speak lovingly to them as they pass, holding their hand. The most important element is your willingness to be fully present.

 

If you are reading this because you have found yourself in the position described above, take a breath, slow down, and know that you are enough for your loved one, just as you are, right at this moment. Your presence with them, close to the moment of their passing may be the greatest gift you could offer them, so do your best simply to be there with them. 

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Can you be “on call”?

 

Generally speaking, I cannot be “on call” unless we have agreed on it in advance, which would also include clearly agreeing what kind of circumstances would require it.

 

If you’re an established client wondering if you can call me in case something unexpected or upsetting happens, the answer is, “YES”! Of course you can call me! I do my best to be available to clients by phone whenever possible.

 

Like most people, however, I may be unable to answer sometimes. Hopefully we will have helped establish a support system for you, so that if you cannot get ahold of me, there will be another person you can call if a problem arises.

 

 

 

I have been given a terminal diagnosis and need someone to talk to 

who isn’t my immediate family. . .can you help?

 

YES.
 

I can listen, sit with you, talk with you on the phone, text with you, accompany you to medical appointments, identify areas of need and accompanying resources, help you find and coordinate your own care team, empower you to make decisions, offer emotional support, and walk with you.  It would be the honor of my lifetime to be there with you for that process. 

 

Please be in touch by phone or email, and we can set up a consultation to decide how I can best support you.

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Do you work with children? My child has been given a terminal diagnosis 

and I just want to do what’s best for her. Can you help us?

 

I used to say that I would of course work with children and babies, which was before there was further training available in that area.  I now know other doulas who specialize in, or have training in, pediatric end-of-life practice. If you feel your child and your family would benefit from having a doula involved, please be in touch so that we can talk further about putting you in touch with one of them. It would be an honor.

 

 

Can I call you if someone I love is dying but I’m not your client?

 

That depends -- 

1. Do they need immediate medical support or intervention?

2. Are they likely to live if that medical intervention takes place? 

If so, call 911 first!

 

If the person dying is on hospice/is known to be dying and you’re feeling alone and overwhelmed by the situation? YES. Call me. 

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Do you help with animals and/or pets? My loved one is well taken care of, but she has several pets that she wants to have with her at home but they are now neglected.

 

YES. 

I love animals, and I believe that a dying person should have the unconditional love of their pets with them until the very end. We can include pet care/integration of the pet as part of my services with the dying person when we meet for the initial consultation. 

 

If pets are the only or main concern, we may not need an official “initial consultation” so much as a chat or quick meeting to establish what’s needed so that I can make a referral to a pet care service that is appropriate to the needs expressed.  I haven’t done this for anyone yet, but wanted to include it just in case. I have had several friends and family members whose pets were an important part of their end-of-life process. 

 

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Do you work with animals and/or pets. . .as a doula?

 

YES. 

BUT – there is now training for those who wish to specialize in this area, and I have not yet completed that training. That said, I know a few really wonderful pet doulas I could put you in touch with if you feel that would be a better fit for your circumstances.  

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I can help with a pet’s passing just as compassionately as I can with a human’s. This is an area where I have a lot of experience.

 

·       Do you need help talking to your kids about their pet?

·       Do you need support/companionship for taking your pet to the vet to be put to sleep?

·       Do you need someone to sit with you while your pet is going through a natural process of dying?

·       Do you need help making difficult decisions about your pet’s care at the end of his life?

 

These are all areas where I have a lot of experience. Call or email me and we can create a plan together to move forward and work something out.

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What about farm animals? My loved one has several farm animals that need regular attending and care. We need someone who could also help out with their care, too. 

 

Why not?

 

This is another situation that hasn’t ever come up, but one which I would be very open to. I’m very good with animals of all kinds, and I genuinely love caring for them. I have never attended specifically to farm animals, but I am absolutely willing to consider it.

 

 

 

My loved one is dying. We want the best for him, but we cannot 

afford your rates. Is there anything you can do?

 

Of course. I am connected to a much wider network of EOL doulas through the Mid-west End-of-Life Doula Collective and many of them are willing to work pro-bono or on a sliding scale, and some of us have practiced together as a doula team in past. Please be in touch so that we can talk about it.

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I am dying and I don’t have many people in my life that are close to me. I don’t want to be alone, but I cannot afford your rates. Is there anything you can do?

 

YES. 

I am connected to a much wider network of EOL doulas through the Mid-west End-of-Life Doula Collective and many of them are willing to work pro-bono or on a sliding scale, and some of us have practiced together as a doula team in past. Please be in touch so that we can talk about it.

 

What we decide to do when we speak will depend on your unique situation and needs, and the kind of support system you have in place for your care. Unfortunately, I cannot work entirely pro-bono (without fees) right now, but I also want to make sure you are not alone and that you are well cared for. Call or email me so we can talk about it together. 

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